My Transformation in Fairfield, Iowa

I spent the year of 2008 meditating 7 hours a day on the Invincible America course in Fairfield, Iowa. Full of richness and personal transformation, what follows is an excerpt from my journal, in an attempt to summarize the gifts and experiences of such deep daily meditation.

On Thanksgiving morning, I woke with such love and gratitude in my heart that it seemed like the appropriate time to finally write about some of my experiences in the past year. The timing also felt right because I will soon be taking a break from the course to devote myself to serving others for a while. Giving my whole heart and life, full time, to Maharishi’s phenomenal techniques has been a priceless opportunity. There is no doubt that I have a completely different physiology than I did a year ago. I feel the differences on a daily basis. It literally feels like streams of powerful light have cleaned out my physical body, my subtle bodies, my consciousness, my energy channels, and my heart. I feel energy flowing through me now everyday that I didn’t even know existed before.

The golden dome where all of the ladies meditated together everyday. A beautiful beacon of light and consciousness!

Unsurprisingly, there have been too many incredible experiences to share in one essay. The meditations that I will remember the most are from a period of time when I began having out of body experiences. The energy would start coursing intensely through my body, and as I learned not to be afraid, but to move into it with love, I would slip into a different state of Being altogether. I would hear very loud humming as if helicopter blades were pulsating all around and throughout me. My physical body dropped altogether and I was only vibrating energy. I actually become my subtle body and could move around playfully while knowing that my physical body had not moved. One day I even rose up above my physical body until I was standing next to it on the foam. What grace and joy to now have such certainty that we are all much more than our physical existence here on Earth.

In my most powerful experience, the vibration became extremely intense and then suddenly dissipated. With my energy, I sat up from my body. Then I was only my energy, in a black, vast, expansiveness. I was there with God. Or more precisely, I was IN God--IN His pure existence. He began showing me images of galaxies and planets. Very colorful, very vivid. So beautiful. I thought, “Show me the Earth.” I waited a moment and then an unbelievably real image appeared. It was like I was in a car looking out the window onto a busy street going by. I was amazed at the detail and complexity before me. The bustling activity, the trees, the street seller on the side of the road. I’ve never been able to imagine in such detail. Then I thought, “Show me the things I can’t even dream of.” I hesitated for a moment and clarified—“All the beautiful things.” I began to hear the most gorgeous music, which can only be described as floating down directly from the Heavens. It stopped, and I surprised even myself by having the thought—“Hm. I think there should have been one more note to finish it.” I paused for a moment, unsure what would happen. Then the last, perfect note came ringing through. I suddenly knew it was just as God always said it would be. He was giving me everything I asked for—which essentially was the same as me having the perfect ability to create my every desire with only a simple, effortless thought.

Aerial view of the two meditation domes in Fairfield, Iowa.

Around this time I starting having deep realizations about the unity of creation. I consciously stepped off this ladder of evolution I was trying to climb and instead saw myself on a beautiful, cosmic wheel. I remembered that I have done all this before from start to finish. I remembered that there is no where to “get.” It is all God. All around Me. It is the experience of God. I’m already here, doing exactly what I’m supposed to be doing. What I’m living now is truly to the joy of God’s creation. The only thing I’m here to do is this—exactly what I am doing now. The joy is here. God is experiencing Himself and Herself as all that Is. Now. All of it is part of the whole. The great Oneness. This is just how it is and will always be. The experience of all that She Is, with the experience of all that He is Not, that all might realize and re-realize the joy of all that Is. So beautiful. I felt my soul awaken. Bliss filled me and I laughed and laughed. I’ve been trying so hard to get to some final state. Some final state of Oneness. But, you see, I’ve already been there. Many times. I’ve already been enlightened. I’ve already been Self-Realized. I chose to come here and forget that I might have the joy of remembering. The joy of experiencing all that Is as if it was separate from me and I was discovering it for the first time. I remembered that my soul in particular loves this. I love incarnating through the journey and re-realizing that there is no journey and no goal. All that Is, is here now. We cannot be separated from the Oneness. We are all the Oneness. We are all the whole.

And I laughed. I laughed at the novelty of it. All of the trying, all of the striving. It seemed funny to work so hard to get back here. Back to nowhere. Back to somewhere I never left. Back to somewhere it is impossible to leave. It is all here. I am the Whole. The Self is the Whole and the Whole is the Self.

The phenomenal thing is that it isn’t hard to realize this. It didn’t take years of meditation in a cave or a divine vision of angels. It is simply the incredible technique given to us by the Holy Tradition that is truly beyond any words I have to say. It seems more appropriate to fall to my knees, speechless with gratitude. There will always be more to learn. There are many dimensions of truth, and truth is always expanding. Yet this year has graced me with a deep peace which has integrated into my Being. A peace that feels the same as a universal love for all that is. A knowing that I can surrender this life to God’s will and move gracefully through whatever comes because all is exactly as it should be. The range of experiences which can be judged as good or bad are all to be celebrated as the diversity of creation. What more is there really to say? My heart takes me from this place for a time because it is overflowing with some energy that must be expressed. I do, however, already look forward to the swinging pendulum which will bring me back to the silence and depth of transcendence. From my heart, I thank each of the Invincible America meditators for their dedication and love. It is our combined commitment that truly makes this course a divine gift—I sometimes call it a once in a lifetimes opportunity. For Maharishi, I stand in awe that one soul could so lovingly choose and accomplish so much. It is a greater inspiration than I could ever dream of. My whole heart is given again and again. Jai Guru Dev.